Friday, September 5, 2008

I'm blaming the weather for this....

its been a very long time....

So much has happened. Too much to tell. The fall came and went but I've still not gotten up.

I feel some things which I can't say and others which I must, but not on here. I'm just biding my time. I guess I just feel empty, its kind of like being bereaved. But its worse because its not like an expected bereavement. I have no closure. A contract like that isn't just terminated despite what some say. I'm not a light switch.

I think some people are under an illusion about what a relationship is. Sex doesn't belong on a pedestal. Honeymoon periods are all about sex, i agree. But 2 or 3 months in, its a different ball game. You know the ins and out of a person. If you can spend hours on end with them and know that you're both happy as a result that's a good sign. You don't have to want to sleep with someone 24 hours a day to declare yourself in love with them. If you adore their heart, their mind and their very presence then you know you have someone who goes beyond the traditional realms of attraction. When every other box is ticked, its stupid to walk away from it. Because not only do you lose out on something pretty damn amazing, you give in to fear of the unknown. You assume that this hurdle is impassible, and you also destroy a dynamic that you've become so dependent on, you wander what to do with yourself for hours on end.

To need and to be needed....to want and to be wanted....

Do not make light of what I had, because I assure you it is far from simplistic and I am far from being okay with it. I dont regret breaking up either but I do regret not putting up a fight.