I'm coming back....

I swear this time. For serious!!!

I'm blaming the weather for this....

its been a very long time....

So much has happened. Too much to tell. The fall came and went but I've still not gotten up.

I feel some things which I can't say and others which I must, but not on here. I'm just biding my time. I guess I just feel empty, its kind of like being bereaved. But its worse because its not like an expected bereavement. I have no closure. A contract like that isn't just terminated despite what some say. I'm not a light switch.

I think some people are under an illusion about what a relationship is. Sex doesn't belong on a pedestal. Honeymoon periods are all about sex, i agree. But 2 or 3 months in, its a different ball game. You know the ins and out of a person. If you can spend hours on end with them and know that you're both happy as a result that's a good sign. You don't have to want to sleep with someone 24 hours a day to declare yourself in love with them. If you adore their heart, their mind and their very presence then you know you have someone who goes beyond the traditional realms of attraction. When every other box is ticked, its stupid to walk away from it. Because not only do you lose out on something pretty damn amazing, you give in to fear of the unknown. You assume that this hurdle is impassible, and you also destroy a dynamic that you've become so dependent on, you wander what to do with yourself for hours on end.

To need and to be needed....to want and to be wanted....

Do not make light of what I had, because I assure you it is far from simplistic and I am far from being okay with it. I dont regret breaking up either but I do regret not putting up a fight.

oh...........and did I mention I was alarmingly hungover :(

Leaving Las Limerick

So it's finally happened. The day I thought could never come too soon...

I officially move out of home for what's likely to be the last time in a little under 18 hours.

I'm terrified, even more than last week....

Galway seemed much closer by comparison even if it is just a little more unfriendly.

Thankfully, I have some great people to look after me! John, I have no idea what I'd be doing right now if it wasn't for him. Claire is a definite friendly face that I'll need to see regularly to keep me from going insane. Steve, my partner in crime and in returning to education, also my personal guide to the world of politics and an amazing friend. Dave will be my link to Limerick and keep me entertained at the same time. And Séan, well he can bring a smile to my face when I really need it. And my mom, who's really just an uber-legend!

Thanks to all these guys, because at the moment....I'd be a wreck without them.

Coming to Croker soon :)

I couldn't help myself....

Limbo

So I've moved to dublin. Not completely but the process has started. I have an apartment with lovely housemates, I have a job with grand wages, I have my fees for college safely in the bank, I have my friends closeby at last.... so why do I feel so uneasy and almost on the point of tears?

I think I could be in limbo, that inbetween phase where I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or if the outcome really does justify the amount of change I've brought upon myself.

Not only is my working life in Limbo....I think other aspects of my life are somewhat up in the air too.

As you know from previous posts, I have been seeing someone for over a month now. I'm terribly fond of him. We have something that is more than friendship and I'm at my happiest around him. But when I'm on my own I find myself lost in thoughts of what if's and questioning if its the right thing. 

I think we have differing views on relationships. Even though I know, well I think...that we both feel very strongly for one another. There is a reluctance, possibly on both our parts to commit any further than we have already. I don't think either of us want to set ourselves up for a fall.

But its fall I doubt would come....not for a long time at least.

On the Road Again....

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!

*takes bow*

thank you, thank you, you're all beautiful....