Ok, so it has been a while...

But, I've been really busy so don't hold it against me too much....pretty please. There's been a lot going on. I'll soon be going part time at work, I'll also be off t poland for a few days and even more has been happening in my social/private/love life.

All in all February was a bit MAD!

As a result, I am a bit of a mess at the moment. Constant trips to dublin do take their toll. Not to mention the late nights I have when there. But one thing is now very clear, I belong up there. I've never been so sure of anything else. And it's not just the pubs, the boy(S) or anything else. It seems to be the only place I can actually be myself. And what's more, be myself and have people appreciate it.

One thing I want people to understand is that that is the only reason. My mind might be being fucked over by other things at them moment, but I'm just not happy here. I have little or no independence and if I'm to be very honest very few close friends in Limerick.

For years, I always thought that I would never be able to settle anywhere other than my home city but it looks as if the opposite may be the case. I've never felt so smothered and trapped. It actually upsets me coming home, though it's nothing to do with my family. Its just so grey...

I'm counting in hours now, rather than days and weeks to when I can leave. It will no doubt lead to my financial ruination but frankly, I'd rather be destitute than contiue to be so depressed.

I am sick....

I have no work....

Angry  Hedgehog informs me it is 25 degrees and partly cloudy and a fine day to be reading Orwell by the Pool.

I hate him....

That is all.

grr.......

So firstly, apologies for the delay (a lengthy one at that) in posting a new pondering. Its been a busy few weeks, between work and Christmas and me being sick. I'm now officially certified to be at home up to next thursday so plan to make the most such time off by sleeping, drinking and occasionally driving, but remember kids, never at the same time!!

So what's been happening I hear you cry???

Lots....too much....A bit of overload really.

The situation I describe a few posts back has changed significantly in that the role of the parties involved has switched somehow. I suppose as time progresses we begin to see people for who and what they really are. Now I'm not being judgmental but...........................ok maybe a small bit judgmental but, who could blame me?

Aside from that I'm now in a situation which I don't feel wholly comfortable in. And this is where I need to discuss the "Options open does not equal slut" philosophy that I've come to live by.

I like guys, I sometimes like more than one guy. Unfortunately, sometimes I can like these guys at the same time. But rather than committing to one blindly, surely I should get to know all candidates and see who would best suit the position that needs to be filled. 

Now this has some repercussions. Sometimes one of the interested parties becomes rather quickly attached. Intensity in early stages of relationships is something I learned to avoid the hard way many moons ago. But still, it happens and I'm left in a situation where someone I do actually and am interested in getting to know further, has progressed at an uncomfortable speed in their own perspective to what is tantamount to a picket fence and 2.4 kids.

All the more reason then for me to go explore my other options....

But I'm not a Slut for doing that, am I?? Like if I had 4 other options...in a purely non sexual sense of course. If it was sex then my philosophy wouldn't really have a leg to stand on.

In other news, I'm going to Poland in March apparently with Kamil. I can only imagine the state of Inebriation I'll be in. Off to Galway on Sunday for Bar3 Staff nite out. It's so so very cold as our heating is broken at the moment. Must get that fixed....

And a quick shake of the fist and a roar of "Fuck you ya lucky bastard" to the Angry Hedgehog who is no doubt sunning himself on a beach in the canaries as I speak.

Will talk to you all soon, much sooner than the last time. I promise!

My Confession...

Twice in my life I have cried over a man. Once was when I had to break up with one and just felt horrible for doing it, and the second time was at realising i'd been played and in the process had fucked a lot of thing up.

The second time was the most recent. A week ago to be exact. In one drunken moment, I became tangled in a rubix cube of a love triangle and have not been quite right since.

The root cause of this problem is the focal point for my anger, lust and now shame. He has caused me to become slightly bitter in a fashion I have yet to experience.

The phrase, a hole is a hole, could possibly be this man's mantra. No emotion, no thought to the mindset of another person or people for that matter....


Having said that my mind was hardly in the most right thinking of places....i'm the jealous type unfortunately. I don't take bad news well. Still if I'd known the full extentof what had gone on....things would be different.

I've lost out on the chance of something great, that I am sorry for but moreso I am angry at the person who helped take that chance from me.

Anyone reading this who knows me will understand what all this means. Those who don't, I tell you this: Never have your cake and eat it, it only comes back to bite you on the ass.

Love's labours are lost....I would liked to have seen them bare fruit.

Old Women...hmph...Ageism against Bigots? Is it wrong?

On wednesday night the play opened! It went exceptionally well! The audience loved it, the actors loved it, the director was almost crying with relief. It was almost the perfect night except for 3 old women in the front row.

3 old women who found any use of profanity hilarious, even when it was used in a context as far from funny as you could find.

As for the references to homosexuality within the play, I thought they were going to be brought to coronary care. They giggled their way through what is one of the most heartbreaking scenes, just because it was 2 men struggling with their feelings for one another.

It got to a point where I almost had to stop on stage, it was rude and interfering. It felt like a pantomime.

I understand that people are from different generations, and might be made to feel uncomfortable by seeing this story on stage but to guffaw (and I use the term in true sincerity) as they did was both upsetting as an actor but also as a person.

My mother, who herself struggled in coming to terms with my sexuality, had to sit through people who had not one shred of culture laughing at me in what was a clearly defined, poignant and heart breaking scene listening to biggoted old women who thought the idea of 2 men, possibly having feelings for each other hilarious.

The same people who cry at the ridiculous storylines on Coronation Street, adore the campness of Paul O'Grady and have no idea of the reality behind these peoples public personas.

Never before have I felt more uncomfortable in a performance, not just in being the character but in being myself.

Out of Character for Mary Hanafin

Children from Gaelscoileanna began a campaign at Dáil Éireann today opposing Minister for Education Mary Hanafin's decision to end early total immersion in Irish-language schools.

According to a circular issued by Ms Hanafin last July, students at Gaelscoileanna will be required to take classes in English for 30 minutes each day starting from the second term of junior infants.

[Ms Hanafin's decision] flies in the face of international research and best practice
Mícheál Ó Broin, president of Gaelscoileanna Teoranta

Supporters of early total immersion say it is an effective system that results in a high level of competence in both English and Irish for pupils in Irish-medium schools.

Gaelscoileanna Teoranta began a campaign fighting for the right to maintain early immersion. It is being supported by Foras Pátrúnachta na Scoileanna Lánghaeilge; Forbairt Naíonraí Teoranta; Comhdháil Náisiúnta na Gaeilge and Conradh na Gaeilge.

Speaking at the start of the campaign in Dublin this morning, Mícheál Ó Broin, president of Gaelscoileanna Teoranta, said Ms Hanafin's decision "flies in the face of international research and best practice".

He said the decision is based "on the questionable findings of the inspectorate in one school.

"The result of this is the proposed ending of early immersion education and a devastating blow to the Gaelscoil movement, to the Irish language and to freedom of a parent's right to choose within the education system," he said.

The Department of Education move is the subject of legal action, with the High Court yesterday granting a temporary injunction restraining Ms Hanafin from implementing the policy change.

There are 168 Gaelscoileanna in Ireland, with another 30 likely to come on stream over the next three years.

Time to Break my Legs...

6 weeks, 4 hangovers, 13 Statoil Rolls, 8 near death experiences, 1 buzz-cut and a tantrum on from the day of our first rehearsal, the time has arrived.

CURTAIN UP.....well there isnt a curtain but you know what I mean.

I'm exhausted from it all, but I can't wait. It will be so much crazy, nervous fun! And finally, I have the perfect trousers with no camel toe! Yay!!!

So come one, come all....

ALL NATIONS WELCOME IN DOLLY WEST'S KITCHEN.


Anyway, hell was tolerable today. My move from Hell to Limbo has begun with a lengthy application and the decision now rests with our resident overlord...

Ugh, my head hurts....


Boy who is liked is being funny....in a good way. I like :P

I really should write thse when I have more focus and am not drifting off to sleep...

Night all.


P.S. Yes it is you